LOSING FACE

feeling frustrated. calls for nostalgia. these are photos old and new and just a bunch of shit that i liked. some of these were for gcse art. i need to collect all my art stuff but its whereabouts are question marked. i knew its only stupid school work art but it signifies a lot of time. and im in the mood to REDISCOVER. LOLLLSSSSSSSSSSSQ.


ughhhh. its got me feeling blue. azure blue. eh i like colourrrr. okay. whut.

THE COLOUR WHITE/I MISS NEW YORK (ALL MY HEART)

I do like the colour white. (my sister- www.akidnamedkee.blogspot.com- likes the colour black).

speaking of white; CLICK CLICK CLICK> www.whiterabbitwhiterabbit.blogspot.com

BECCA IS AN ABSOLUTE BEAUT.

SO I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT "LIFE".

at this very point, i am stumbling through my final GCSEs. and truth be told IM SCARED. but a good kind of scared. the plan so far is to stay on higher education BUT IM QUESTIONING. i think its just that i have seen outside of ashbourne, so being here very much feels like i have my eyes closed. 

UGH TEENAGE ANGST I THOUGHT I WAS OVER YOU.

stupid hormones. i feel so sullen, its like all my bones have disappeared and i am just a formless lump of skin and i have just flopped down the side of my bed, burst into a plume of powder and dust and been absorbed by the carpet. 

"LOL jk" i still have bones.

LOOKIN 'TWEEN THE LINES/"POETRY"

I WANNA GO GLOBAL/MY LITTLE TOWN BLUES

AHAHAHA THIS PHOTO IS FIT FOR PUNNING. I had to stop myself from putting "ive got the whole world in my hands" as the title (because FIRSTLY, it brings be back to old school assembly choirs and SECONDLY, it suggested that i was God which i thought was so blatantly narcissistic - but true -  that i couldnt possibly get away with it. Also, if i claimed to be God, i'd get the whole christian community on my ass. and thats just not fun. AND THIRDLY (wow. thats a strange sounding word) its just completely unfunny... yet ive managed to write a mini fucking dissertation on it). 

Anyway, it looks more like i have a gargantuan, bulbous abscess on my face, complete with continents of its own BUT, IT SERVES A PURPOSE. 

That purpose is to illustrate my point. 

MY POINT BEING THUS; 

I want to CONQUER THE WORLD. no, i joke. how HILAR! I just want to SEE the world. I JUST WANNA GO EVERYWHERE.

i think it is the impending New York venture that has brought on my fascination with globe trotting. Or it could also be that my dream of being Amelie Poulain (French), or Ofelia and her crazy labyrinth friends (Spanish) or Björk (icelandic) or a Moomin (finnish). OR it could be the fact that my habit of subconsciously copying EVERYTHING my sister does, means that i want to travel the world EXACTLY HOW SHE DID. WHILE DRESSING LIKE HER. AND PRETENDING TO BE HER. twitch twitch.

A N Y W A Y, i have impatient feet that want to leave footprints all over the world. FIRSTLY, NEW YORK. "If i can make it there, I can make it anywhere..."

REFLECTIONREFLECTION/ THE BIGGER PICTURE

I'm worried about the future. I'm scared of it PROPA LIKE. It just occurred to me today that life might not turn out how I dream it does. I was shopping today (bought some random shit - most of it was faded clothing... hence the picture) and as I floated round all the clothes shops I really resented how fashionable fashion has become. There's so much talent (but only the CREME DE LA CREME make it) and SO much demand in the industry that I questioned what potential I had to contribute. Is there any room for me in fashion? Or am I destined to be one in ever-growing millions of people who are forced to compromise?

But fashion has always been the plan. It sounds so inane and cliche when people (mainly talent show victims) say "this is the only thing i want" and "THIS IS MY LIFE! I WANNA BE FAMOUS, WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME SIMON COWELL?" (vom)  but I seriously would be left without a compass if I didn't have fashion. I want to do big things and be happy happy. I want to learn things and go places. But then reality blocks the view from my rose-tinted glasses, and i'm faced with the reality of fashion; and i can't see clearly. Through blurred vision, there is suicide and broken souls, mass consummation and hollowness, opulence and destruction. It's perversely still beautiful, but it's not the world I imagined. 

 To me, there is something just so innocent about dressing up; to communicate through decoration and to wear your emotions. That is the reason I love fashion and will always do. 

but anyway... big thoughts, small mind. 

I need a cup of bush tea and a beautiful landscape. Yes that is right, I am, in fact, fictional character and No. 1 ladies detective agent, Mma Ramotswe. Dumela!